Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
