you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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