I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
love makes seman taste better
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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