I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
