So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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