im six kinds of drunk right now
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
