So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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