Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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