ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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