I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
