I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
