There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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