i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
