so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
