I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
