Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
