Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
