You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
