So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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