Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
