i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
