A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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