All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
