and you said cock pushups were impossible
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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