Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
