I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
