Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
