No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
