Four minutes until I can fart!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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