You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
