So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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