What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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