Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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