I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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