Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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