I wanna passion pit in your ass
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
