Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she told me i tasted like america
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
