During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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