nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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