Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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