I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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