I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
