I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
