I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
