Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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