I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
