I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
