my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
