saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
