There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
