the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
