is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
