You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
