No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
